Morgan Morningstar
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Saying goodbye to my penis.

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Editor’s Note: Morgan Morningstar is a transgender woman who is currently preparing for her genital reassignment surgery. These poems reflect her mindspace as her surgery approaches. They are highly personal and a reflection of an individual’s long and arduous journey.   Photos by Sean X. Ahern.

“These two poems are written in preparation for my upcoming genital reassignment surgery. In the first, I tried to capture the theoretical attempts to escape the mundane into the transcendent. The second deals with the very real violence that is inflicted upon the body during surgery.”–M.M.

Bird_1

“Farewell Penis” – 10/07/2014

The pinch of nipple clamps awakens me from my daydream

I was something else, somewhere else

I witnessed the origin of gender

I crossed the deadly space between

I had viewed the material of differance

I achieved true signification

I experienced the real

I was encompassed in id

I knew content without form

I was jouissance

I knew her name – she called to me in a language before language

No grand narratives- no language games

She was power centralized, omnipotent, omniscient

The name before the word and the law

She – is we- is me – is the body unhindered, deinterpellated

Always already beyond ideology

Spiraling outward into a magnificent crescendo of irrupting ecstasy

And then… those damn nipple clamps

Skull_2

“Goodbye Phallus” – 10/15/2014

Sinking into a blissful numbness

Unmoving – locked into position

Cutting

Slicing

Tearing

Digging

Snipping

Grafting

Stitching

The violence never-ending

Pulling

Ripping

Slashing

Opening

Carving

Unbroken flesh breaking

Compromising

Crafting

Shattering

Removing

Reworking

Coring

Scraping

And dare I say it…

Castrating

Emasculating

Violating

Raping

The body straining against its limits

The eyes slam open in opioid delirium

And she smiles for the very first time

Moth_1

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